


Longing

by TechnologicalNoiz



Series: Longing [1]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 19:52:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17904536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnologicalNoiz/pseuds/TechnologicalNoiz
Summary: I feel like the title says it all for this chapter





	1. Chapter 1

Longing. The desire of something that you can not have. A comfortable ache settles in your chest. Becomes your constant companion every time you see him smile. The ways his eyes light up and a small crinkle forms on his nose when he laughs practically leaves you breathless.

He’s not interested in you. Not smiling for you. He puts on a show, you can see it, all bravado, handsome masculine whiles as he smiles for the camera, winks at the pretty young women that have evidently fallen for him. He loves the attention, being in the middle of all the action. He has for as long as you have known him.

You’ll read about it in the papers tomorrow. People will speculate over his latest fling. You know that it’s not all true. That it’s mostly for show, but still the hand in your chest tightens, squeezing your heart and lungs a little bit more. Those smiles will never be for you, that playful wink never aimed in your direction.

Then your entire reality is tilted. You might have had a chance after all, but now you never will. Jealousy coils like a living serpent in your gut. It threatens to take over, colouring your interactions with  _him_ , a new young hero Ricardo started working with after the nanosurge. Sidestep. Though you are glad he was there or the situation would have ended a whole lot worse. Ricardo would probably be dead.

Ricardo smiles, flirts, jokes in ways you never thought he would with another man. Sidestep, much like his name, dances and avoids the flirtations aimed his way. Flustered when he is caught off guard. Which you notice doesn’t happen often.

You watch them dance around each other, observe for weeks, months. You see the exact moment Ricardo falls, hard. He has never looked at anyone like that. Eyes soft, smile genuine, no show.  Just… adoration. It’s a look he has only given you in your dreams. The tightness in your chest constricts so much that you can hardly breathe. Your judgment when it comes to Sidestep clouds completely. You are harsh, almost cruel, as you constantly remind him why he can never truly be part of the team. It causes quite a bit of tension between you and Ricardo and more than one argument.

Then it worsens still. Ricardo’s feelings are reciprocated by Sidestep…  _Cyrus_ …  That’s his name. You’ve seen his face now. You don’t trust him. His eyes dart nervously. He shifts from foot to foot like he is about to bolt. He stands like he has a secret, like he’s hiding, like he’s running from something. His shoulder hunched, his arms held close to his body, making himself smaller than he already is.

You know what he can do. A telepath. He can dig people’s secrets from their minds without them knowing, but you are careful. You are trained. You make sure stronger dampeners are installed in you armor. Every time you have them on Cyrus’s brow furrows, lips tightening. He rubs his head, trying to fight off the headache they give him. With a glare in your direction he moves farther away from you. Good, he is a nuisance anyways. Ricardo goes with him sometimes, when there is no fighting. Usually it is Anathema. They get along well you notice, becoming quick friends. Anathema always was too kind.

RIcardo and Cyrus laugh together. Cyrus’s laugh is small and unsure, just like him, his smile nervous. Almost like he is not used to it, like he is not allowed to have fun. They hold hands sometimes, in the safety of Ranger HQ. Cyrus blushes looking away, not used to affection. He is still so young, so small. You can  tell he has been through a lot. It does nothing to deter your distaste and mistrust.


	2. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the title says it all for this chapter

Heartbreak. The emotional suffering after the end of a close relationship.Your world changes again. A nightmare come to life. So much death and destruction. It is dangerous. Cyrus is there. He is still so young. You don’t want him there. It’s not your call. Ricardo is in charge. He tries to convince Cyrus to leave, worried for the safety of his love, his friend. It doesn’t work. Cyrus is stubborn. One of his worst traits.

“You need a telepath.” Cyrus insists.

“We don’t need you.” Your voice is emotionless. Cyrus glares at you.

He didn’t leave. The dampeners in your suit fail. You would have ended it there if Ricardo hadn’t stopped you. Then he is gone and you are alone. Distantly, you hear a shout and glass shatter. Your mind is still hazy. Then the pressure stops and you can think again.

Regret. A feeling of sadness over something that you have failed to do. It is an all consuming force. You learned what happened. Anathema… he was your friend. Cyrus… he was too young. Your last words to him too harsh, reminding him one final time that he wasn’t one of you, that he would never be. But he was. If only you had let him.

Here you stand holding Ricardo close. It is the only time you will ever get to. He is broken, sobbing into your shoulder. He blames himself for getting half of the team, his friends, your friend, his love, killed. He couldn’t have known. It’s not his fault.

Denial. Refusing to fully believe something that you know is true.Something is not right. You can feel it. That ambulance was too convenient. No one else should have been in the area. You look into it. Spend months, years, trying to piece it together. You find… something. It scares you. You stop looking. You don’t find  _him_ …

Anger. Intense feelings of displeasure or hostility. You watch as Ricardo tries to stay strong at the funeral. The reporter nagging until Ricardo spins around and punches him in the face. Ricardo retires the next day. You keep it a secret, don’t tell him that you are looking for Cyrus, looking into his death. Don’t tell him your suspicions. It would only tear open the wounds he is desperately trying to patch together.

Depression. Severe feelings of misery, of intense low mood. You were never the same after the Heartbreak incident. Neither was Ricardo. You haven’t heard from him in months. You know he has been drinking too much. Down a path of self destruction. You worry but don’t reach out. You don’t know how.

You continue your mandatory therapy. It’s just protocol. You say what they want you to say, so they see that you are still fit for active duty. Not a threat to yourself or others after a traumatic event. This is not the first time you’ve done this. You had to go through it after the loss of your hands.

Acceptance. Recognizing the reality of a situation without trying to protest or change it. After a year Ricardo is back. He told you that he missed the action, but you know him too well to believe that fully. He is not the type to sit there and do nothing, letting his debt continue to build as his mods needed up keep. Charge, the name suits him well. Always ready to rush into the action. You’ve missed him more than you care to admit.

He still flirts, still smiles for the camera, but it’s not the same. There is a constant tired weight to his shoulders. A sadness to his eyes. An old familiar tightness takes hold in your chest. How could Cyrus do this to him? How could he die and leave Ricardo scarred in ways no one will ever be able to fix? That’s not fair. It’s not Cyrus’s fault. Maybe you could have stopped him, protected him, if you weren’t so blind by your own prejudice.


	3. Marshal

Marshal. A high ranking officer and enforcer of the law. You have a new team now. You are in charge. One of them is incredibly young, fluttery, almost like a butterfly. The teams new golden boy, Herald. The other, while she is also young, she is all claws and secrets, carefully honed on a razor’s edge, Lady Argent. You don’t trust her completely. She is a wild card. You will not let your judgment get in the way this time. You will protect them. You will keep them safe this time. Your team.

Something happened. Lady Argent lost it. Ripping through Ranger HQ, through the city. Herald was closest. He tried to stop her. You need to do something. You need to stop her. She is your responsibility. Entering the fray in full armor, you hit her hard. She goes down. Somethings wrong. You argue with the LDPD. They want to hold her accountable. You won’t let them.

Mental manipulation. You know how it feels, to have someone else in you head making your body do things against your will. You remember remember it well, too well. Someone was messing around in her head. You could do nothing to stop it. She is angry. She has every right to be.


	4. Shock

Shock. A sudden, upsetting mental and emotional disturbance. You don’t let it show. You are not expecting him to walk through the door with Ricardo. He looks so frail, so delicate, like he hasn’t slept or eaten in weeks. His eyes still dart nervously, mapping out possible exits to the room, his body tense. He doesn’t want to be here.

“Hey Chen… It’s been a while.” The eye contact is brief, before his flick away again.

“You’re not dead I see.” It’s all you can think to say. His smile is bitter. Maybe he wishes he was. Anger takes hold. You keep it under control. You were always good at that. 7 years. He let you and Ricardo mourn him for 7 years, before showing up to turn the world on its axis yet again.

You watch the way Ricardo watches him, like Cyrus will disappear into a cloud of dust if Ricardo looks away for too long.

You still don’t trust him. He is a walking vault of secrets and lies, always held close to his chest keeping everyone at arm’s length. He is here to help. If anyone knows what telepathic manipulation is like, what it can do, it’s him.

Ricardo informs you that Cyrus has enemies. He doesn’t elaborate. Is that why Cyrus let you think he was dead for so long? Maybe this time you can keep him safe. Or alive at least. Second chances don’t often happen. In the past you judged him too harshly. Everyone in this world has their secrets. This time you’ll give him a chance…

He doesn’t stop by often, only when Ricardo drags him to HQ. When he does he looks tired, like there is an unbearable burden wearing him down. He is too thin. The bones in his cheeks, the tendons on his hands too prominent. You could probably see his ribs too if he ever allowed anyone to see him without all of those layers on. Does he eat? He doesn’t smile. Not really. On the rare occasions he does it’s a bitter, cold thing that doesn’t reach his eyes. Did he used to? Did he laugh? He doesn’t now. What happened to him? What changed him so much over the years?

He looks and feels hollow. Except for when he’s angry. You’ve managed that once or twice, to get a brief glimpse of the vast ocean of churning rage within him, of the resentment, more than there used to be. Then he carefully sculpts his face back into a well-practiced mask of disinterest. If left alone, the rage will one day consume him completely. It will cause him to explode. To shatter any fragment of the person he used to be. There will be nothing left.

A new villain appears, Shadows Terror. They destroy the museum, their armor shrouded in mystery. Miraculously no one died, or maybe they didn’t want to kill anyone. You should have been there. Because you weren’t, Ricardo and Herald ended up in the hospital. Did they know you wouldn’t be there? What was it that they said about the government? The Rangers are just pawns? Did they hesitate when fighting Ricardo? It almost looked like they didn’t want to hurt him. They know him. They must be stopped. They are targeting government officials. Systematically taking them out one by one.

Every fight with them ends in the defeat of your team, or their escape. They are avoiding you, but they can’t avoid you forever. Your team is fractured, not working as a cohesive unit. Like in the past with… he could help. They are a telepath. A strong one. Possibly the strongest you’ve seen since Heartbreak, possibly stronger. They are the one who manipulated Lady Argent. You are sure of it.


	5. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoilers in this chapter

Shattered. Extremely upset, tired, broken into tiny pieces. You see him sitting there on the bench in the Bone Yard. Something happened. Something bad. You watch him for a while. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t notice as you approach and sit next to him. Doesn’t hear you as you call his name. Eventually he does turn, his eyes still distant. A startled look of recognition dawns on his face, before he regains his composure. You’ve never managed to sneak up on him before. Something is wrong. He doesn’t talk about it, you don’t pry. Comfortable silence.

You start seeing him more outside of work. You become… friends. On rare occasions you’ll make him smile or breathe out a small huff of genuine laughter. Your hurt flutters in your chest. The circles under his eyes are so dark. Does he sleep? Probably not as much as he should. Ricardo comments on how well you and Cyrus have been getting along. You see Cyrus more than he does.

You haven’t seen him for a few weeks. Do you miss him? He does that sometimes. Just disappears. Every time you worry that he ran off. He never does. He calls you, early in the morning, before dawn. He is silent for a long time. When he does speak his voice is small, wracked with terror. Your heart clenches. He asks you to meet, tells you to bring Spoon. You do, wondering briefly if he is only friends with you for your dog. You know he isn’t.

When you see him, he is sitting on that same bench curled in on himself. He looks so fragile, he is still so small. He notices you instantly, all senses on high alert, ready to run. He doesn’t say anything, just sits there with Spoons head on his lap and you by his side. There is a yellowed bruise along his jaw. Right where you… hit… no. It couldn’t be. If he notices you staring he doesn’t say anything.

Suspicion. A feeling that something is likely true. It would explain so much. The secrecy, the paranoia, the carefully cultivated distance he tried to keep. It would also mean you were right not to trust him… That though hurts. Every time he disappeared Shadows Terror had been heavily injured. He is terrified of something, hiding. He always has been. You don’t confront him about it.

An experiment, that’s what he said Heartbreak was. That fits with what you found. The government is conducting secret projects, human experimentation, if you can call it that, kept hidden from the population.  The files were sealed, you never had access to them. Was he one of them? You remember him telling you that not everyone was in good standing with the US government.

Shadows Terror is systematically destroying it. Trying to reveal… something. The same thing that caused Heartbreak? That made Cyrus disappear? Who exactly is Cyrus? What did they do to him to break him so utterly? To fill him with rage and desperation. Shadows Terror has not killed anyone. Not Yet. He is not a monster. But is Cyrus? You don’t think so. He is just hurt and scared, causing him to lash out like a wounded animal. Maybe he can still heal. If it’s not too late.


	6. Murder

Murder. The unjust ending of someone’s life before it is their time. He has gone too far. Crossed a line he can never come back from. Thrown one of the mayor’s advisers from the roof of a building. You wonder if he has ever killed anyone before. He watched them as they fell to their death. Not much unlike he did all those years ago. Herald was too late to catch them, swooping down just as they hit the pavement. Broken.

Fear and anger crossed Heralds face as he attacked, Shadows Terror still too much for him to handle. But that’s okay. Your team is ready this time. You have been training together, working on coordination and communication. Argent will be here soon, Ricardo already lying in wait until Shadows Terror is off of the roof. That’s Heralds job. The rest of you will take him down when he is on the ground.

The fight is long and exhausting for all of you. Shadows Terror evidently not prepared for your teamwork. Outnumbered and wounded he tries to run. Lady Argent is caught under debris from a building he brought down, Ricardo helping her out. You won’t let him escape this time. Once they are able, your team will split up, trying to cover all possible exits.

Just when you thought you’ve lost them, Shadows Terror stumbles down the alley you are in. He leans heavily against the wall one arm limp by his side. Probably broken, by you. He lets out a distorted growl of a chuckle as he notices you, raising his good hand towards his helmet. There is a small hiss as the mechanism releases. He pulls the helmet off, dropping it.

Cyrus smiles weakly. “You already knew didn’t you?” He collapses, unconscious on the ground. You did, you didn’t want to believe it, but you knew. Did he come here on purpose? Because he knows how much you have come to care about him?

You tell the rest of the team over the coms that there is no sign of Shadows Terror, that he must have escaped again. You tell them to meet back at HQ. You lie for him. Sneak him out of danger, bring him back to your home. What are you thinking?


	7. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS

Realization. The moment when you come to completely understand a situation. You would do anything to keep him safe. 

Bruises and cuts paint his body, wounds that you caused. His arm’s not broken just dislocated. Angry orange tattoos are scrawled across his skin, marking him. They are everywhere, except for his head and neck, hands and feet. The places people would see. The colour and patterns are ones you recognize, but normally the skin they mark is a sickly blue grey. His is normal.

Is he like Heartbreak? Did they share a similar past? Similar agonies that drove them to violent revenge? Was he also an experiment? You know the answer to that. So much about him makes sense now. Why he always looks like he is ready to bolt at the first signs of recognition. His complete avoidance of cameras. His caution of physical contact. Why he has always worn long sleeves and layers in the hellish heat of Los Diablos. Why he would never submit to the background check and officially join the Rangers…

Pain and sorrow consume you as you look over his small, battered, unconscious form. You decide then and there that you will protect him no matter the cost.


End file.
